One winter last year, I went to a cake shop and bought a few boxes of tarts for my son. A boy at the shop door was so cold that he stomped himself for warmth. I couldn't help but look at him a few more times, thinking to myself, whose parents were so kind and willing to let their children freeze like this?
The boy was about a year old, now staring at the tart in my hand. I handed him a box and he ate it immediately.
The boy nodded and immediately reported his mother's phone number. "I escaped and didn't eat lunch. My dad said he wanted me. When I changed my diaper for my sister, she climbed out of bed and cried. My dad scolded me. I was waiting for my mom. It's only she that hurts me. "
The boy smiled awkwardly, exposing two pointed tiger teeth. It turned out that he was arguing with his father and ran out to find his mother at work. But he forgot to bring his mobile phone and only two yuan in his pocket. In a hurry, he took the wrong bus again and got lost after getting out of the car. Wandered nearby for a long time.
It turned out to be an oolong incident. I offered to send the boy home. He just asked me to call his mother. When his parents arrived, his mother cried with tears in his arms, but his father was angry.
"You're amazing! You're awesome! Learn to run away from home! Why don't you call us if you have the ability? I wouldn't come to pick you up because of your mother's discomfort! Let you freeze to death and starve to death . "
The dad scolded and wiped his tears as he shivered. He took out a handful of snacks from his bag, shoved them to the boy, and put on his coat.
The boy and I later became good friends and knew that his name was Komori. Now in fifth grade, there is also a younger sister who is two years old. My mother works at a mobile phone store and my father is a bus driver.
The original happy family of four was overshadowed by the constant quarrel between the father and son. Komori's mother was very distressed. She tried various methods to ease the relationship between father and son with little success.
In the process of getting along with Komori, Dad Komori always dreamed that the little boy shit felt that as a father, he was supreme and possesses overall control. His son must obey him unconditionally. However, Komori is also an individual who has his own ideas and principles of doing things, and is not willing to be a father and person.
As he grew older, Komori gradually entered his teenage years, and his self-consciousness exploded. He began to seriously think about the rules of the world and formed his own value standards, so the language of his father became more intense, so the relationship between father and son quickly dropped to the freezing point. Fight for redness on any trivial matter.
The relationship between Komori's father and son is not harmonious, and Komori's father has an unshirkable responsibility. In family education, parents are under guidance. In the case of serious problems in communication with children, parents should make reflections and adjustments before the child, rather than blindly requiring the child to himself.
Komori ’s father-son relationship model seems to be an extreme case, but it does not exist in isolation. It reflects to some extent the crises caused by poor communication in parent-child relationships.
Today, the relationship between fifth and sixth grade children and their parents is generally tense, each with its own difficulties and its own tangles. During the time when I was at the school gate after picking up children, I often heard helpless complaints from parents in various versions.
"My daughter is good everywhere, but she has a small heart and a sentimental feeling. What kind of resentment does my mother and daughter remember? I scold her for her. She ignored me for a few days and said that I did not respect her."
"I've spent all the money I made on my child. I didn't buy a mobile phone, a tablet, a learning machine, or a smart watch. He likes magic tops. I bought him a full set, a few hundred dollars. It's like this. I often shake my face. "
"My son doesn't talk to the two of us right now. I can't tell him. He thinks I'm annoying. I don't understand his trendy gadgets. What kind of infrared projection globe is so valuable. I just wanted to buy one for him. It's been a few days. "
In the hearts of many of our parents, it is not important to communicate with children. We always feel that our children are born and raised by us. They are still young and do not understand anything. They just need to be obedient.
We must teach them empirically, let them avoid risks and get rid of the pits we have suffered, we must find ways to prevent them from repeating the same mistakes.
We are so bitter, we have high winds and bright festivals. They not only don't, but they feel that we are unreasonable, behind the times, and irritable. These kids are biting Lu Dongbin's mind.
According to this thinking, many parents have succeeded in driving themselves mad. In the stubborn confrontation and the persistence of our respective positions, we and the children drifted away, and even turned into enmity.
Therefore, there is an urgent need for a deep conversation between us and our children, an effective communication that can reverse the deadlock. Effective communication is about strategies and methods. It is calm and gentle, with great wisdom hidden in it. It is definitely not rude, it is not fist fights, and it is not cold words.
Primary school seniors are already small teenagers. With the increase of knowledge and experience, their value system has gradually matured, and the image of parents' "authority" has begun.
So, dear parents, please go down to the high position, put down your body, and talk to your child on an equal footing. Don't hold the shelf anymore, you can't hold it anymore. The child has begun to question your true level.
Now that you are already friends with your child, you have something to talk about, do n’t yell, do n’t yell at it, keep your emotions steady, and you ca n’t easily get angry with myocardial infarction, cerebral palsy and hypertension. Parents who are too weak will not get the sympathy of their children, they will only make them feel that their "old parents" who have been for many years are just that.
The children in the upper grades of primary school have a colorful inner world and no longer black and white. They long for the respect and appreciation from their parents and the communication with their parents in the same dimension.
They feel delicate, think sharply, and want to share their joys, sorrows, and insights with their parents; however, parents have experienced serious psychological dislocations at this stage, and they value their children's performance for retrogression and whether they can rise to the ideal. junior high school.
This unequal expectation has led to an insurmountable gap between children and parents. No one is willing to, and the parent-child relationship is getting worse.
When we want to get angry with our children, we might as well try to think differently. If I were a child, would I want my parents to only care about my academic performance? Think about it for your children to have a strong ability to empathize, and to better understand their joy, sorrow, and progress.
It ’s not enough to think in other words. Parents also try to tell their children the “little secrets” buried in their hearts. These “secrets” can be a childhood or a life.
For example, when a child's test scores are not satisfactory, parents can talk about their feelings about failing the test when they are young. In this way, the child can easily enter the same situation with the parents and resonate with the emotions. The next analysis of the parents and the child is easy. Accepted.
What kind of books do children like to read, movies, songs and sports? Parents can experience their children's footsteps.
The same frequency resonance is more topical in order to truly enter the child's inner world. If the child's preferences are unknown to the parents, they will communicate with each other in the long run. Over time, not only will the child be dull, the parents will not want to talk.
Each child is a unique flower, with its own burning splendor. As a parent, you must have a pair of eyes that are good at discovery, and even the tiny flashes are worthy of praise and applause.
Only through effective parent-child communication can family education maximize its effectiveness. The tense and indifferent parent-child relationship and the unharmonious family atmosphere will bring a shadow that children will never remove.
Getting along with children is a deep learning that is related to the success or failure of family education. The senior elementary school is also a key turning point in the growth of children. I hope parents will cherish this opportunity of education that must not be missed.